ADDICTION how do I stop this addictive behavior?

Change from addiction comes from within, many people say they want to be clean and sober but they haven’t convinced themselves or their mind that this is going to happen no matter the consequences.

Most people when trying to get clean and sober feel as though they have become boring or that they are letting their friends down by not joining in on the fun of drugs and alcohol.

The fact of the matter is for many people, getting clean and sober comes with both a cost and an outcome.The cost is twofold, either your friends will leave you, this will be the addiction’s doing, not yours. Or you will leave your friends, this will be your choice, mainly because without the influence of drugs and/or alcohol you will see that these (so called) friends where either not good friends to begin with or where only your friends because you had the same addiction holding you both together.

In some cases though you may be lucky enough to have really good friends that were always there as your support network but your addiction hid this from you. Don’t stress, these true friends will be there even at the end (these are also the friends you need to remember to thank later).

Now if you have the courage and determination to get clean and sober, and I mean not just telling others this is what you want, I mean actually telling yourself this WILL happen, I guarantee you will see the outcome. You will find friends that support and love you, including the ones the addiction hid from you that have actually been there the whole time. You will find time you never knew you had (as your addiction is stealing this time from you right now without you knowing it), you will feel better about yourself and you will look better within yourself.

Breaking addiction is always hard, but you MUST get your mind onboard with the idea first that you will stop your addictive behaviour, so it can work with you, not against you.

TRIGGER, not just the name of the Roy Rogers horse.


We all have triggers, some good and some bad. Positive triggers can bring back good feelings like the smell of coconut oil that takes your mind back to your wonderful holidays in Bali as a smile draws across your face, laying on the beach, soaking up the sun and enjoying your time away from the stresses of day to day life. Laying back on the beach with a cold refreshing drink just watching the sunset slowly over the ocean on another glorious day. These bring to you a closeness with happier times of carefree enjoyment as you sit and soak up the smell to wring every ounce of enjoyment you can pull from that fond memory. Or in the case of negative triggers they can bring back quite traumatic memories that can leave the affected person, often times feeling helpless, alone and scared.


Triggers be it good or bad are your bodies coping mechanisms to a situation. An emotional trigger is something that brings up certain feelings within us. These feelings may be positive or negative.
We naturally prefer to experience positive rather than negative emotions, so it’s valuable to know what triggers us to have negative emotions. Examples of negative triggers include:

  • Being rejected by someone.
  • Having one of our personal values violated.
  • Being ignored by someone.
  • Someone blaming, shaming, criticising or judging us.
  • Being controlled or threatened by someone.
  • Not being included in a decision that affects us in some way.

There are many things that could be added to the list that can triggers us, which is why it’s important to learn to identify them and also be aware of them when they’re actually happening. As part of our ongoing mental health and growth, learning to identify our emotional triggers and manage them better, is really important.
The better we can manage our emotional triggers, the less reactive we’ll be, which means we’ll not let external events or conditions affect us in a negative way.

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  5 Ways to Become More Aware of Your Negative Emotional Triggers

  1. Observe what you’re feeling in your body. A negative emotional trigger will cause our bodies to react a certain way. It may be feeling knots in our stomachs, feeling tense or nauseas or starting to breathe faster. As soon as we start to feel something different, we know we’re having a negative reaction to a situation. This is when we need to take action to prevent further emotional damage to ourselves.
  2. Determine if certain words or behaviours cause a reaction. Words have power and they can cause us to experience different emotions. Likewise, there may be things other people do that bring us certain thoughts, which then cause certain emotions. By paying more attention to these triggers, we can be proactive and take appropriate measures to deal with them beforehand.
  3. Identify activities that bring up negative responses. There are things we do that we may not necessarily enjoy, but we do them because we feel we have to. There are other activities, which we may have more control over, that may be generating certain responses. An example could be watching the news on television. If negative news triggers us, we have the choice to stop watching the news.
  4. Determine if certain people or conversations bring up negative emotions. As we become what we are surrounded by the most, we have to be more conscious of the conversations we have with them. For example, if certain people prefer to talk about politics and that generates heated discussions, we can choose not to talk about politics with them.
  5. Identify if time is a trigger. Sometimes things may happen at a certain time that bring us negative emotions. For example, being in rush hour traffic or even the thought of being late may trigger a negative reaction so we can choose an alternative means of travel, or choose a different time to travel, or be better prepared mentally ahead of time to deal with rush hour traffic.

Awareness is often the first step to any lasting change. The more aware we are of our negative triggers, the better we can manage them and have the experiences we want. If we don’t develop a higher level of awareness, we’ll continue to be triggered by past or current events, and not behave in a way that will support us in being the best we can be.
Action Step: Identify a negative trigger you have and reflect on how you have dealt with it. Review the things mentioned above to become more aware of when and how you get triggered so that you can better manage them.

Meditation for mental health


Meditation and mental health

Meditation is about focusing on the present. Meditation can help you feel better and reduce stress. Researchers are also studying mindfulness and related techniques such as relaxation to see if they can help treat various physical and mental health conditions.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is paying full attention to what is going on inside and outside of you, moment by moment, and without judging. It means you observe your thoughts, feelings, and the sensations of taste, touch, smell, sight and sound. You are also fully aware of your surroundings.
Mindfulness has its roots in Buddhist meditation principles. However, anyone can practise mindfulness to improve their self-awareness and wellbeing.

Meditating actually changes your brain, and with it, the way your body responds stress. Which works wonders on depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Studies have been suggesting for the past decade that meditation can bring big health benefits, but it wasn’t until recent years that research has looked into exactly how it can change the brain.

Practicing meditation

Whatever your preferred meditation technique, a common approach is to sit in a comfortable position in a quiet place for five minutes to half an hour (depending on how long you choose to meditate) without outside distractions. Set an alarm if you don’t want to lose track of time, alternatively there are various apps in your app store that will allow you to download and use up to 10 of their meditations for FREE. Meditating every day at around the same time can help you develop a regular habit, and make it easier and quicker to slip into deeply meditative states.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to sit cross-legged on the floor in order to meditate. You can also sit in a chair or in bed. However it is not recommended to lay down whilst meditating as you might just fall asleep if you try to meditate lying down, which will defeat the purpose.

Relax as you meditate

Trying to meditate is a lot like trying to sleep – attempting to force it can often make it more difficult. Thinking of a meditation session as a chance to relax, rather than as a discipline you have to master, can make a big difference.

If your attention wanders, try to practice acceptance and avoid getting annoyed with yourself. Simply direct your attention back to what you are doing and your experience of that moment.

Why do we stay in a violent relationship?


What is domestic violence and abuse?

When people think of domestic abuse, they often focus on domestic violence. But domestic abuse includes any attempt by one person in an intimate relationship or marriage to dominate and control the other. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” An abuser uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their thumb.
Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone; it does not discriminate. Abuse happens within heterosexual relationships and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more often victimized, men also experience abuse—especially verbal and emotional. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether from a man, woman, teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe.
Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal assault to violence. And while physical injury may pose the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your relationship is abusive.

Who has ever been in a relationship that was not only violent but that you knew was wrong and had been for quite some time?

Barriers to escaping a violence relationship include by are not limited to:

  • The fear that the abuser’s actions will become more violent and may become lethal if the victim attempts to leave.
  • Unsupportive friends and family
  • Knowledge of the difficulties of single parenting and reduced financial circumstances
  • The victim feeling that the relationship is a mix of good times, love and hope along with the manipulation, intimidation and fear.
  • The victim’s lack of knowledge of or access to safety and support
  • Fear of losing custody of any children if they leave or divorce their abuser or fear the abuser will hurt, or even kill, their children
  • Lack of means to support themselves and/or their children financially or lack of access to cash, bank accounts, or assets
  • Lack of having somewhere to go (e.g. no friends or family to help, no money for hotel, shelter programs are full or limited by length of stay)
  • Fear that homelessness may be their only option if they leave
  • Religious or cultural beliefs and practices may not support divorce or may dictate outdated gender roles and keep the victim trapped in the relationship
  • Belief that two parent households are better for children, despite abuse

A victim’s reasons for staying with their abusers are extremely complex and, in most cases, are based on the reality that their abuser will follow through with the threats they have used to keep them trapped: the abuser will hurt or kill them, they will hurt or kill the kids, they will win custody of the children, they will ruin their victim financially — the list goes on. The victim in violent relationships knows their abuser best and fully knows the extent to which they will go to make sure they have and can maintain control over the victim. The victim literally may not be able to safely escape or protect those they love.

The 13 most common signs of emotional abuse are:

1. Devaluation
Psychopaths know that no one is about to drop at their feet and declare their love for someone as twisted and cruel as they are, so they developed a technique, sometimes known as love-bombing.
The person will lure a partner of their choosing by being the most overly-invested, kind-hearted person. They will act like you are the most amazing person they’ve ever met. “I don’t know what I’d do without you”, they’ll say. You’ll feel special.
However, once you’re attached they’ll start devaluing you. It might be a random comment that puts you down, or blaming you for things you haven’t done. But slowly they will start to worm seeds of doubt about your own character or looks into your mind.

2. Putting others down                                                                                                                 This is a warning sign. Sure, someone who’s been in a particularly bad relationship might talk about how bad it was. However, someone with psychopathic or narcissistic tendencies will say terrible things about their exes to their new partner.
Be aware, the same things could just as easily be said about you if things turn sour. Think whether your partner’s remarks are justified or not.

3. Questioning your sanity
If you’ve ever seen The Girl on the Train, you’ll know this one. A partner will make you doubt your own sanity by asking questions like ‘are you crazy?’, or making you feel as though a problem is your fault, even if you don’t remember it being that way.
It makes you feel bad, want to apologise and gives your manipulative partner the upper hand.

4. Projecting
Projecting is all about the abuser pushing their desires or wrongdoings on you. If they’ve cheated, it will be your fault for ‘wanting to cheat’ first.
If your partner is mean to you, it’s only because ‘you were mean’ first. Projecting is a form of blame shifting designed to make you feel bad while helping the manipulator avoid desires they’d rather not acknowledge.

5. Assuring you they’re ‘nice’
This is a big red flag. If you’re really a nice person, how many times have you had to tell people? Probably never because you’ve never done anything to make them suspect otherwise.
If your partner is assuring you of their virtues, make sure their actions show it.

6. Talking s**t in arguments
Psychopaths and narcissists will do anything to make sure they come out of an argument with the upper hand. One way is moving an argument in nonsensical circles to get you as confused and out of your comfort zone as possible.
You may have seen this kind of thing in debates, particularly those involving Donald Trump. It’s an effective tactic, every time you bring up a rational argument it’s drowned out by a million nonsensical arguments that devalue you and get you confused without actually debating the original accusation. It’s a defence tactic to avoid actually being called out as ‘wrong’, something narcissists hate.

7. Shifting the blame
This is an obvious one. Someone who views themselves as the epitome of ‘perfect’ isn’t going to want to take the blame for anything. If you’re upset with their behaviour, they’ll spend the next 20 minutes explaining how you’re worse.
Watch out for someone who can’t take emotional responsibility for their actions. In the early stages this might be coming up with 101 excuses why they’re late, or why they’re texting another girl or guy – It’s because they can’t take the blame.

8. Talking about themselves
Again, this one is obvious but something we often dismiss. Do you often tell your partner about how hard your day was only for them to try and one-up you?
You’ll find that their boss is always worse, their workload is always harder; really they’d much rather talk about themselves than you. They want sympathy and attention, of course, and want to take it away from you as soon as possible.

9. Saying mean things as a ‘joke’
While teasing can often be a flirting tactic, don’t forget your sense of self-worth. If a comment really makes you feel bad, try and explain this to the person. They might have thought you’d take it differently, in which case they’ll apologise. Or, they’ll call you crazy (see point 3).

10. Ultimatums and threats
Toxic personalities inherently want control. If you’re not shaping up, they’ll make unrealistic demands of you, using your attachment to them as a tool for blackmail.
“If you do that, I’ll leave you,” is the gist. They’ve decided they don’t want you seeing your best friend? They don’t want you going to a certain bar? This one will come up.

11. Triangulation
“Your mum loves me, why would you leave?” This is a prime example of triangulation – using a third party’s supposed opinion (who probably doesn’t know the full story) to manipulate a partner.
You can also use this tactic in defence, though, by gaining the influence of another third party who isn’t under your partner’s influence who can stand up for you and add validation to your comments.

12. Misrepresenting your opinions
This is the process of ‘putting words in your mouth’. Your partner will make sweeping, exaggerated statements that class you as a certain person and put you down. While these might not be true, they can have a serious effect on your self-worth. An example of this is, “You’ll never be happy”. Statements like these might come up when you bring up a concern, and it will quash your confidence to argue quickly.
Another example is your partner misrepresenting your feelings to play the victim. They’ll say you always make him out to be awful, or that you pretend you’re perfect. It’s just another form of making you feel crazy and clingy when you’re really just sticking up for your rights.

13. Targeting your reputation
This is a tactic that results in isolating you as much as possible (making your narcissist partner the centre of your universe). They might say bad things about you behind your back or even to your face that paint them as the victim. They’ll call you names that make you the aggressor, like a ‘b***ch*.
They might also try and stop you seeing your friends by telling you things that aren’t true, perhaps that they don’t like you or are bad influences. This is another form of control.
Of course, you might find one of these signs in your own relationship and your partner might not be narcissistic, toxic, or a psychopath. But if you’re seeing a few of these warning signs make sure you take a moment to think about your relationship and how it’s really making you feel.

Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or that the person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save their life.

Talk to the person in private and let them know that you’re concerned. Point out the signs you’ve noticed that worry you. Tell the person that you’re there for them, whenever they feel ready to talk. Reassure them that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let them know that you’ll help in any way you can.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally or physically abused are often depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help getting out of the situation, yet their partner has often isolated them from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.

If you need help from domestic abuse/violence or know of anyone who does Please hit the following link for support and remember, no one deserves to be in an abusive relationship.

Trust and distrust

How would it be to live in a household where not only did one parent not like you but they also hated you enough to not trust you and blame you for anything and everything.

This was my life growing up, my stepfather and I never saw eye to eye and never really liked each other as much as tolerate each other. It didn’t matter what happened because I usually, or more often than not, got the blame as well as the resulting punishment, and with this man there was always punishment and it was always brutal.

The bearings in the wheels on my skate board wore out, I got blamed for how I rode it, if I got a flat tyre on my BMX bike again it was my fault and he refused to fix it or even help fix it because I damaged it so it was my problem, I would have to go and earn money myself if I wanted it fixed. And when I snapped the frame after coming off my bike, if the pain from the crash wasn’t bad enough the hiding I received when I got home was.

One of my best friends when I was young betrayed me when he stole a few hundred dollars  from a local retail store and bought a remote control car, which he then bought to my place to play with and left it there so we could play with it during the week after school. I had no Idea he had stolen any money but my stepfather had already read about the theft that day and the story said it was a child involved in the theft, he found the toy car in our garage and instantly had it in his head that I must be the thief.

He asked me where I got the car from and I told him it belonged to a friend that had bought it over. Now instead of believing me he put me and that toy in his car and we drove to my friends house, all the while he was telling me about the theft of money and that if he found out it was me he was going to kill me. When my mate was confronted by his mother at the front door about his toy car he told both his mum and my stepfather that it wasn’t his, it was mine and that’s why it was at my place.

My stepfather hurled me back into the car and got in the drivers side slamming me in the chest with the back of his hand and telling me what was in store for me when I got home. We got home and as soon as the door was closed I copped the hiding of my life up until that point, he flew into a verbal tirade of calling me a thieving little (expletive) and a lying little (expletive) and laid into me physically until I nearly passed out.

These episodes with him in my teenage years were frequent and bought with them a lot of anger and trust issues for me, I had created a survival mechanism where I would make sure I always got in first and put the other person down, both physically and verbally. These where some very dark times for me and I had very little to no friends.

This is just one of the many bad times in my book entitled Walking with the black dog.

Failure is growth, If we don’t fail, we don’t learn, if we don’t learn we don’t grow.

If you want your life to change, don’t wait for it to change because you’ll die waiting.
You must change yourself, you must change what you are willing to accept, you must change what you are doing, or what you are not doing and you MUST do it now.
Because if not now, when.
If not right now, you are giving your mind the opportunity to talk you out of it, and it will, because it’s scared of changing or it’s scared of failing or it’s scared of the unknown and that’s because your brain has been there before and it doesn’t like it, and in doing so is trying to protect you by not letting you fail.
Let me tell you this, EVERYONE FAILS, if we don’t fail, if we don’t grow.
How do you think an athlete would be if they always beat the competition, would they train harder? No. And you will never grow if you continue to compete against the people you are better than.
The only people training harder than the winner, is all the athletes that failed to beat the winner.
Some athletes may give up and stop running, others will continue to run and continue to fail.
But they will continue, they will continue to train, they will continue to fine tune what they do and they will keep going, adapting, changing and working harder than the one person they have to beat, and eventually one of them will.
This will be the one who wanted it, who saw that end goal, who fought through all their failures, who kept working harder than anyone else, who ignored their brain telling them you can’t achieve this.
One of the best quotes I ever heard came from Arnold Schwarzenegger, “The mind always gives up before the body does, the trick is to get your mind working for you, not against you.
Are you going to listen to your mind, or are you going to listen to your heart? It’s a known medical fact that a developing baby heart while in the womb will start beating at approx 5 weeks, while there brain doesn’t start any sign of functioning until approx 21 weeks.
So how if the baby’s brain isn’t yet fully developed can it’s own heart start beating, medics will always have many theories on this, but I believe that the heart has it’s own intelligence similar to the brain.
I also believe this is why anything bad that happens we associate with the brain, like nightmares, bad ideas, etc. Yet anything good in our lives we associate with our heart, our loves, our passions, our desires are all heartfelt.
Chase what’s in your heart, force your brain to get you there and never let your brain tell you to give up on yourself because YOU are worth the effort.

Belief systems, we all have them.

We all have belief systems, or a system of beliefs that we have adopted throughout our lives. These belief systems are typical human behavior designed by us to protect ourselves, create an emotion, justify an emotion and even to make us accept or not accept a certain situation.

Negative emotions are a part of our belief systems, however negative emotions aren’t negative emotions, you’ve just been missing the message this emotion is trying to give you. Negative emotions are really emotional messages, or calls to action.

Fear is a call to action, your adrenaline starts pumping, your body starts tensing up. Emotions are a call to action, but we tend to ignore and suppress this message because we don’t recognize it for what it is.

Every emotion is a message, it’s a call to action and the action our message is trying to give us by this is we need to realize and do one of two things, or both. We need to change our perception of this or we need to change our current actions. Every negative emotion we have ever felt is not negative, we may over use them and indulge in them, but what makes them negative is that we are not getting the messages these emotions are trying to give us.

Can anybody make yo feel bad? Absolutely not! You are responsible for how you feel. Most of us are too busy indulging in negative emotion that we don’t get and understand the message the emotion is trying to give us, and for us to understand the message we must first change the meaning of the message.

What is this emotion trying to tell us, change your perception and ask yourself what does this emotion truly mean, is this person yelling at me because he hates me or maybe  he’s not not really upset about me he’s just upset about something else, maybe he isn’t in a good mood right now, maybe if he was in a good mood he would have acted differently to this.

If someone is in a bad mood it’s because they have allowed themselves to get in, or be put in a bad mood. But moods are still emotional states and emotional states can always be improved by changing our perception, (ok, this person is upset, lets see if I can help him with his problem instead of me getting upset, because then you now have two upset people throwing their anger outward in an ever increasing circle.) Or change your actions because what you’re doing isn’t working ( stay calm and not feed the fire making the situation even angrier, try offering assistance to help fix the problem and not take the problem on as your own.)

We don’t need to hate negative emotions or even see negative emotions as negative, negative emotions are only negative because this is the label we give it based on our emotion toward a given situation and even just a thought. How many times have we had something that needed doing and just because you couldn’t be bothered doing it, you made it so bad in your head in order to really hate it and avoid having to do it instead of taking the five precious minutes out of our lives and just getting it done? We need to identify what this emotion is trying to tell us in order for us to fix the problem and not allow ourselves to be ultimately weighed down and controlled by this emotion.

Nobody can ever make you feel bad or angry or hurt or frustrated or negative, these are all emotions or emotional states we have given ourselves or allowed ourselves to be in, and like I said before all we need to do is to recognize and acknowledge this emotion for what it is and then work on ways to either fix the problem or communicate a solution. Be it changing what we do or helping someone else to change what they do, because without change there’s now growth, there’s just the same old problem.

Can Depression Be A Positive Thing?

There has been a growing controversy both about the effectiveness of anti-depressants — that half the people taking placebos do just as well – as well as concern about biological effects, such as increasing the risk of relapse, causation of brain neuron deterioration, bone mineral loss, etc. A different spin in the controversy comes from an evolutionary psychology perspective, some researchers and clinical psychologists believe that maybe there is something useful about depression after all.

What prompts their questioning is the prevalence of depression – 20-30% of the population compared to single digits for other mental illnesses – why is this so different? They make the analogy to fevers where the fever process is the body’s way of dealing with infection, and the use of drugs to kill the fever actually weakens the body’s homeostatic functioning. Maybe depression too has some beneficial effect after all. When they look at the biological impact of depression they discover some interesting ideas:

Depression leads to more analytical thinking.
What they found is that the way we think about problems actually changes with depression. We are able to break down complex problems into smaller components. Depressed people actually do better on certain tests than those who are not. We also do a better job solving social problems when depressed.
Depression makes us more focused.
The deep seeded thoughts – the circling around the same thoughts with seemingly little control – is considered one of the negative symptoms of depression and what medications try to target. There is only some much we can actually hold in our minds at any one time. Depression helps keep us from being distracted by other issues and instead pushes the most important to the for front. So we think, think, think, analyze, analyze, analyze until we can put what is most bothering us to rest. If we try to avoid the negative thoughts through use of drugs or alcohol, they in fact last longer.
Physical symptoms keep us on target.
The desire to be alone, the decrease in libido, the lack of energy, sleeplessness actually reinforce the focus. Our bodies are actually joining forces with our minds to keep us from moving forward and dealing with our problems, keeping us from being lured away by additional distractions.
The take-away from this is that they are reluctant to immediately try and kill symptoms with medication. While a small percentage of the population are struggling with a biologically rooted disorder, for a majority of us our depression is most often situational – there is something we need to pay attention to and fix in our lives and relationships. So, they say, look at what there is to fix. Doing therapy to talk through your thoughts, or doing expressive writing helps work with overthinking and speeds up the recovery process. Rather than mentally or pharmaceutically running away from problems, slow down and give yourself the time to sort it out.

Chase Your dreams or live your fear

Many people aren’t living their dreams, they are living their fears.

Many people aren’t living their dreams, they are living their fears. They are living their fears because in order to get to where you want to be, financially, physically, spiritually, you’ve got to make some hard decisions, you have to go through hard times. Nothing in life that’s worth doing, is worth doing easy, at the end of the day if you want to chase your dream, not what others have in store for you, I’m talking about your dream, your passion, your gift. Then you are going to have to do it hard, put in the extra work, do the extra hours, practice and practice and practice what you have to do to achieve this, if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing hard and never be afraid to fail.

Walt Disney filed for bankruptcy 7 times and had 2 nervous breakdowns before he became successful. Before April 1954 the 4 minute mile was considered an un achievable goal because so many had tried and failed. A man named Roger bannister came along with one goal in his head, to break the 4 minute mile, he trained different, thought different, did everything he could, different to everyone else that tried and failed. He had that one focus and that one goal, he trained harder than anyone, he thought differently to everyone and he was never going to accept failure, sure he failed and failed and failed, but he never gave up on his belief that the 4 minute mile could be broken. Since that day over twenty thousand people have run better than his time, and many of those have been school kids, why is that. Because somebody had already done it so everyone knew it could be done, this gave them the leverage to overcome the negative thought that it was unachievable.

Don’t be afraid to fail, failing doesn’t make you a loser, giving up makes you a loser.There are losers, there are winners and there are people who haven’t figured out how to win yet. Which one are you.

Learn to live with failure because everybody fails, there is not a person on this planet (and I don’t care how successful you are) that has not failed. The difference is the people that failed and kept going became successful, if you fail, try something else, if you fail again, try something else, if that fails keep changing what it is you’re doing, keep going and never give up until you succeed, failure is not an option.

Let me tell you something I know, I wasted 47 years of my life doing nothing, I did try a few things, I tried inventing things, I tried my own businesses, I’ve taken jobs that I knew I hated before I even accepted them, but I took them because my own belief system was so low that I believed this is as good as I thought I could ever be.

I am now pursuing something I have knowledge about and that I can help other people with, it may not pay anything, but money isn’t my driving force behind this. It’s helping others to not to have to live the life I’ve led while helping myself grow as a better human being. The change you are chasing will come but first you must change yourself.

Motivation, or the lack there of.

We all lack motivation from time to time, but we do need to find the motivation before our depressed state is that comfortable in your life that it takes a seat because once it sits down you are going to struggle to get rid of it. For most people they don’t know what their motivation is, they have absolutely no Idea what excites them at all. I agree, it’s hard to find motivation on the lounge or in front of the tv or if you spend all your time on your phone or ipad or computer. most people say i’m not depressed, depression is simply a low emotional state. Everybody in this world gets depressed, it’s only the depth of the depression that varies. When you get hurt, lied to, upset, annoyed, beaten, betrayed, these are all depressive states. How often we are subjected to these, the longer and more frequent these happen to us dictates how quickly we succumb to clinically diagnosed depression.

I spoke with a bloke the other day about he had no motivation for his job, I told him that was rubbish, I told him that his motivation wasn’t big enough. I said to him what if I told you to come and see me here tomorrow morning at 4 am and I’ll give you a hamburger, he said he wasn’t getting out of bed at 4 am for that, I said but what if you were starving, he said he didn’t care. I said ok what if I said be here at 4 am tomorrow morning and I’ll give you 3 million dollars, he said he would be here at 3:55 am knocking on my door for that money, I said even if it’s pouring rain and freezing cold outside and he said hell yeah it would be worth the 3 million dollars. I told him he had more chance of getting a hamburger from me at 4 am than he ever did at getting 3 million dollars from me, but he wasn’t concerned because his motivation was  so great, his motivation was the 3 million dollars.

Unfortunately we are so often too focused on the little things in life that are much easier to reach with no commitment and little motivation, that we don’t chase the goals that are right under our noses, and so easily accessible if we committed and found the motivation to go out and get it. but we talk ourselves out of this by making our end goal much smaller in our heads than it actually is, so that our brain will never find the motivation your body needs to commit to seeing your dream through.

Think about all the things that you wanted out of life, forget about your bills, forget about your job, or anything that’s not going right in your life at the moment because these things will always be there, we just need to learn to deal with these but not stay focused on them.

We ALL have that dream, that end result of how we want our lives to be. Envision it, feel it, become it, focus on that picture every day of your life and use this as your motivation. Then start taking MASSIVE IMMEDIATE ACTION because the longer you wait the more chance of the negative depressive thoughts taking control of your mind and filling you with self doubt, telling yourself that you can’t do it, that your not worth it, that is rubbish.

You can do it, you are worth it and you owe it to yourself to achieve it, because no one’s going to hand it to you. You have to be willing to stand up off that couch or get out of that pub or break that bad habit and start the process. The greatest motorcycle stuntman of all times Evil Knievel once said “if something is possible, it has been done. If something is impossible, somebody will find a way to do it”. Nothing is impossible, your only limitation is you, not money, not time, not motivation, just you. If you want something bad enough you will figure out a way to get it.